Archive for September 14th, 2011

14th September
written by Dame Suzy

Okay, so it’s no secret that I love Spanish guys. The first one I met had a very surprised me up against the wall wrapped around him and had he not been wearing braces, my entire Spanish romantic future would have been completely different.

The Spaniard expresses how he digs you, and then backs off, letting you chat with his friends without jealousy, without possessiveness.

By contrast, the North American tries to prove how useful he is, practical, level-headed, and well-behaved. In other words, he presents a very boring vanilla persona with body language to match. One American guy this trip would act too polite, having me go first and not budge even when I tried to usher him through. Go with the flow, man. Don’t be so stubborn.

Another guy, though, managed to cock-block himself and his whole group of mostly good-looking, muscled friends. He did this by not taking my answer at face value. No – I said with a smile – I don’t want a drink, thanks. I have a big hangover and I don’t need a drink, just water. He claimed his insisting on getting me a drink was politeness. No, dude, it’s being pushy and obnoxious. And it makes you look desperate like a chick isn’t going to like you without beer goggles.

Then came the final blow. He asked me what I did and I said I acted mostly as a hobby but my true desire was to be a screenwriter. I’d had some scripts looked at but no further contact. He said I had to move to L.A. I said, “That would great, but I’m happy where I am and that’s where my family is.” “But you have to be there.” “I’m in no rush.” “Girl, you HAVE to move to L.A. What’s holding you back? Don’t be afraid, just do it.” “I’m happy to wait for the kids to grow up.” That stumped him for a total of 2 seconds, but he kept at it.

I was like, DUDE, it’s four in the morning in Madrid, I am enjoying the music and how people are having a good time, back the fuck off.

But he wouldn’t. And he even had the gall to flex his muscles and say, “Okay, let’s make up. Give me a hug.” What the fuck? Seriously? What idiot-filled planet did you come from? Then he stuck out his cheek. “A kiss then.” And it took a lot of self-control on my part not to just punch him in the face. Because I really do like an excuse to fight. Instead, I told his smoking but dumb Latin-American friend, “Enjoy the rest of your night,” and got the hell out of there. Not even the possibility of knocking boots with his friend could salvage this GRAND OLD NORTH AMERICAN COCK BLOCK.

Why don’t I just say American cock block? Because it happened with a hot young Rafael Marquez look-alike from Canada too. He was just too normal, nice, polite, intelligent, and thus boring for me to want to just grab him and pull down his pants. Had he said fewer words and given me a few sexy “I want to do you badly” looks, he would’ve have a much better time and so might have I.