Archive for September, 2012

25th September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

I read this article about the Springtown school district in Texas allowing male adults (as opposed to same-sex paddling which was never disputed) to paddle girls, which was disturbing enough, but then the article ended saying that corporal punishment was allowed in three-quarters of Texas school districts. A little behind the times, are we, Texas? My kids are lucky they’re enrolled in less medieval schools, but I cringe to think of people jerking off to YouTube videos of these paddlings. Not to mention that an overzealous paddler could break someone’s tailbone, and that there are way easier ways to punish girls – take away their phone, you’ll break them without having to break any body parts.

23rd September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

Expendables 2 created in me a renewed interest in all things old-school action. The biggest disappointment of the movie was that I did not get to see many of Jean Claude Van Damme‘s powerful yet graceful moves. I re-rented his movie Kickboxer, for which he choreographed and directed all the fight scenes, and was again wowed by the beauty of his skills, not to mention the superbness of his physique. Many of his other films feature too much ammunition, and in fact the scenes in Expendables 2 I enjoyed the most were the martial arts scenes. I mean, hello, you’ve got Van Damme, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and Chuck Norris! I then looked up Van Damme’s bio and found that he had married the gorgeous Gladys Portugues, former female bodybuilding champion, who approaching the age of 55, is still stunning. He actually married her twice, from 1987-1992, and after another marriage, again from 1999 till now! They have three gorgeous/handsome kids and still smile and kid around on the red carpet. Hugs to you and your family from me and mine!

For a quite enlightening article about Jean Claude, read this Guardian UK article.

20th September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

Last night’s open-mic was the first time I’d performed a stand-up comedy routine in public. My first time ever had been in class a mere 10 days before.

It was a blast. There were about sixteen others including two classmates and a few working comedians trying out new material, and we were each given five minutes. After the MC, who was excellent, the first guy was a dud – five minutes of him strumming nothing up and down his guitar, I kid you not. The other performances varied in quality but the good stuff made the mediocre worth staying. Some bits were excellent.

When I went up, I made the very-true excuse of having to pee really badly as to why my set was so short – at under three minutes, and then I went into a bit that started like this,

“I have this giant bruise on my knee. I wish I could say I was wasted or drugged out of my mind, or had really powerful sex – the kind where there is no such thing as pain – but I honestly have no clue…”

To finish my set, the MC, who had overheard me saying I acted, asked me something atune to this,

“So it seems like you enjoy having bodice-ripping sex, so it would be nice if you could combine the two into an adult film career.”

To which I replied:

“I could, but I only look good from most angles. Because I’ve had a few kids, me upside-down, trust me, nobody wants to see that…”

I’ll save the favorite parts of my routine for a future video which I will post here!

This weekend, I compete in a small local competition – sink or swim I saw, so wish me luck!

12th September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

I happened upon talk of this while looking for sex towels or cloths. The idea of the glands sounded familiar but the name certainly had escaped my memory. According to Wikipedia, Skene’s glands could secrete during ejaculation and be related to the G-spot orgasm in addition to providing additional lubrication. Handy glands they are, and apparently they are not present in all women. Ah, the mysteries of the human anatomy.

Incidentally, sex towels – kind of – exist! Or rather, sex blankets. Satin on one side, crinkly plastic in the middle and velveteen on the other – just look up Fascinator Throe – they command from $60-100 a pop.

I would prefer there to be sex cloths available that are about 24″x 24″, easily washable, stain-resistant, and cuddly-soft. I may just have to make that happen. It’s not a normal size to find in a luxurious material. Yeah, you can get those disposable hospital blue/white papers in about that size but a clinical sex/bed-wetting experience is not what I’m going for.

12th September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

My man and I were standing at the bar when a mean drunk, a small 20-something chick, pushed him out of the way. I went to rescue my purse that was hanging right under her as she was now in both of our spots and she said to me, “What do you want?” I told her I was getting my purse but she didn’t take the hint. Her friends apologized to us and said that she was really not like this but she had drunk a lot.

My man placed himself in between her and me, because though I am very good at avoiding fights and am a good-natured lass all-around, the thought of being pushed into defending my or my man’s honor does give me a rise. My one fight as an adult gave me such an adrenaline rush! My man smirked but was serious when he told the mean girl’s friends that he was protecting her from me.

My jolly-natured self is giving the mean drunk some less painful options to the behavior that may get her pounded one day, by offering a list of drinks posted by Arthur Kougias on Quora:

 

Read Quote of Arthur Kougias’s answer to Drinking (alcohol): What are some good non-alcoholic drinks to order at a bar? on Quora

8th September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

Why is it nice when your loved one goes on a business trip?

  • You get to have time to yourself.
  • You actually miss him and seeing fifteen pairs of his discarded socks on his side of the bed makes you feel glad to have him in your life. In fact, you leave all of his strewn-around things the whole time he’s gone so it looks like he hasn’t left.
  • Any annoying traits of hers are forgotten – out of sight, out of mind. You just remember the good and how you really need some sex and she knows how to give it good.
  • It’s easy to be sweet with an occasional text message ending in Mwaaa or kisses.
  • She comes home and all is as it should be!
7th September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

Since I recently had lots of lovely photos taken by the sweet and sexy Italian photographer Fabrizio, I thought I’d participate in one of fashion magazines’ favorite pastimes, a Who Wore It Best? indulgence. I have a penchant for Bebe dresses, especially since the brand comes out with about ten to twenty every week and I adore dresses. What do you think?

Who wore this Bebe dress best? Shorty Dame Suzy or the sky-high cutie?

(Grammatically it really should be who wore it better but just to match the mags, tada.)