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20th September
2012
written by Dame Suzy

Last night’s open-mic was the first time I’d performed a stand-up comedy routine in public. My first time ever had been in class a mere 10 days before.

It was a blast. There were about sixteen others including two classmates and a few working comedians trying out new material, and we were each given five minutes. After the MC, who was excellent, the first guy was a dud – five minutes of him strumming nothing up and down his guitar, I kid you not. The other performances varied in quality but the good stuff made the mediocre worth staying. Some bits were excellent.

When I went up, I made the very-true excuse of having to pee really badly as to why my set was so short – at under three minutes, and then I went into a bit that started like this,

“I have this giant bruise on my knee. I wish I could say I was wasted or drugged out of my mind, or had really powerful sex – the kind where there is no such thing as pain – but I honestly have no clue…”

To finish my set, the MC, who had overheard me saying I acted, asked me something atune to this,

“So it seems like you enjoy having bodice-ripping sex, so it would be nice if you could combine the two into an adult film career.”

To which I replied:

“I could, but I only look good from most angles. Because I’ve had a few kids, me upside-down, trust me, nobody wants to see that…”

I’ll save the favorite parts of my routine for a future video which I will post here!

This weekend, I compete in a small local competition – sink or swim I saw, so wish me luck!

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